Other Thoughts

I've gotten many messages from friends showing their concern for my happiness. I think that this is something that people are perceiving as me being forced into. It's exactly the opposite. I am willingly choosing to follow Jesus. This sounds highly hypocritical because in the past I've fought long and hard that it isn't a choice, and I was born this way. It's funny how God works. I'm not unhappy and I haven't been brainwashed to think differently. In fact, I don't think I've ever been more happy than how I feel right now. I don't have to worry about having two sides to my story anymore. I only have one, and it's living with Jesus. Have I been hurt before and will I get hurt in the future? Absolutely. But this is something that I've struggled with for a long time and I've weighed the options. I have been on both sides of the spectrum, so I think it gives me great insight on both fronts. 

I think people have mistaken me though, that I can be both gay and believe in God. It's like they still see me as a homosexual who is standing up for his faith. When in reality, I do not consider myself a homosexual at all anymore. That would be like serving two masters. Jesus said, "No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or else he will be loyal to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money" (Matthew 6:24). Insert your particular sin where money is in that verse. It's basically saying that one identity will preside over the other. I could either be gay and be a follower of God, or I could be a follower of God who once was gay. I choose the latter. 

People also keep telling me that I am a beautiful and wonderful person. Well, the Bible says I was "fearfully and wonderfully made" (Psalm 139). I understand that God must have made me this way, not to indulge in my fleshly desires, but to fall on my knees and worship Him, who created me. And through my temptations, I will be able to help people who are like me find Jesus. I hope to be a sliver of help in the gap that separates the intolerance that the Church is known for against homosexuals.

Other friends have said that I will be missing out on love, but what greater love is there than God's unconditional love? I mean, John 3:16, people! He sent His son to die for me? That gay kid? YES. That's love right there. That's the kind of love I'm down with accepting. Thank you, Jesus. But really, a thank you isn't enough. I'm giving you my LIFE. Please do with it as you please. I do not know what God has in store for me. If he plans for me to have love from a woman then so be it. But he may want me to live a life of solitude, in which I will still most gladly call Him my Savior and Lord. 

I have been sent many encouraging links to other sources, interview, and articles written by people who are going through the same thing I am. One, in particular, spoke very similar to what I am writing about, and answers some questions that I think people are thinking. It is also very beautifully written.

"First, everyone is a hypocrite, regardless of belief system. People such as Zinnia preach a message of tolerance and kindness to all, yet they are not tolerant of my beliefs and show me no kindness. That's hypocritical, is it not? With that said, you can either be a hypocrite under the grace of God or a hypocrite outside of the grace of God. As Christians, we acknowledge that we are hypocritical in word and action at times, and we acknowledge that we cannot be perfect. This is why we don't point to ourselves as models of perfection, but point to Christ as the ONLY perfection. On the Cross, Christ took on our sinful identity, and suffered the penalty we deserved. In turn, He offers his righteous identity to all who believe in Him. So Christians do fail and Christians do sin every single day, but the base of our faith in not ourselves or not ourselves. The base of our faith is Christ and His perfect obedience on our behalf. We are saved not because of anything we have or haven't done, but because of what Christ has done for us."

Read more at Matt Moore on being outed